Yes. My husband began his journey into this horrible world of using women for his narcissistic pleasures while in college. They were a collection of body parts -- not people. He did this to avoid the intimacy of relationships so that he could focus on himself and his music.
It continued through his 1st marriage as his ex was into experimentation. Needless to say the marriage did not survive many years.
When my husband drove by a place in Minneapolis called Sexworld each day on his way to work, eventually 14-15 years into our marriage -- he decided to pay it a visit, recalling the old days in college and on the road with his band. It is ridiculously painful because I know the details -- the unprotected oral sex, the big breasted women, and those youthful skinny bodies.
The anticipation of the sexual encounters were always the best part, he later revealed. Sex with a prostitute was cold and emotionless -- not at all the raging passion we allow to fill our imaginations. Do not let your emotions be drawn into that. One thing my husband told me was that my imagination painted the event as 100% more exciting that what the sex ‘event’ ever was. The sex was — in his words — cold and methodical and left him feeling dirty afterwords, covered in guilt.
But as I walked through the first years after discovery, I could barely stand to look at myself. As year four and now five past d-day has come and gone, my husband has slowly become more vulnerable and transparent, he has opened up about the waste of the life he lived. It is sad. And it is just as sad for the women who thought that they could build their self esteem by mounting males.
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